Damn! They've got Daniel and the colonel pinned in the ruins. How can I…?

Oof! Watch your six, Sam! Idiot!

Shit shit shit! Three of them… all over me… God, the stench!.. Off! Get off!

Off? Yes! Teal'c!

Oh, yeah… Teal'c…

Whoa, mama, Sammy. You gotta get out more!

Grab the hand, Sam. So what if he… oh, god… primal, ferocious. Gorgeous. Cubed.

Okay, Sam… it's just the adrenaline. And hormones. Oh, boy… hormones.

Right… Daniel and the colonel. And herds of big, smelly, ugly… dog-things.

I used to like dogs.

*****

Nice, short debriefing. Once we pried the colonel out of the infirmary. Daniel may be confined for the night, but what's his excuse?

For that matter, what's my excuse? It's taking every scrap of self control I've got to keep my tongue off Teal'c's nice sweaty neck. Where the hell did this come from?

Okay, Sam. You're a scientist. Take it slow; take it apart. Just another puzzle to figure out.

You've worked with three of the universe's most edible men for more than four years now.

You love Daniel to pieces. But thinking 'sex' and 'Daniel' in the same sentence makes you feel slimy. Like you were contemplating seducing your kid brother… if you had one. I guess you do.

You had a brief fling with thinking you were having the hots for Colonel O'Neill. What's not to go for? He's gorgeous, and he really defines 'hot.' But you flashed your pan over him in microseconds. Not a quiver left.

Now suddenly you're going weak in the knees over Teal'c? Alien with accessory. Now, given he's beautiful, and his body is… beyond belief. He's also intelligent, enigmatic, strong, skilled, courageous, fierce… primal… Uh… did someone turn the heat up in here?

All right. Time for some field testing…

*****

Ah, good. He's home. Such as it is. Ohhh. Nice with the candles. Atmosphere.

He's pleased to see me. Can he tell? Damn. Hyperventilating here. Black tank top. Candlelight on all those… muscles.

Make the proposal, Sam. You can talk. Ah, good. Brows are flying, but he's gonna go along with it.

Oh, yes. Come to Mama. One kiss should be a start.

Nice… Gentle… Warm, incredible lips…

Uhhh… Nice. Hmmm.

He's giving me this quizzical, amused look.

My hormones are giving me… nothing.

Okay, Teal'c. One more test. Now I've surprised him. Yeah, big guy. Snarl a bit.

Woo hoo, there it is. Test over. I got it now.

*****

Sammy, my old buddy, you are seriously weird. So Teal'c lights every fuse you've got—as long is he looks like he's about to tear you limb from limb. Not the basis for any kind of long-term relationship.

All right. We can deal with this. Eventually. Always assuming I can actually look Teal'c in the face after my little scientific investigation of human-jaffa relationships.

Hello, frustration. Old friend. Wanna beer? Just you and me?

*****

I'd love to let Lois know the way I feel,

To let her know the man underneath the steel.

But she doesn't want to have a thing to do with me

Unless I'm out bashing baddies in my BVDs…

Superman Sex Life Boogie

Tom Smith

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