Title: Closing the Door
Date: July 15, 2001
Author: JayEm
Email: Jay_Em5@yahoo.com
Status: Complete
Rating: PG13
Category: Slash
Archive: J/D, Area 52, JayEm’s page
URL: http://jayem.ma-at.net
Disclaimer: Characters belong to each other ~ but MGM has dibs.
Spoilers: Enemies
Summary: A result of a ferrety challenge to tell what happened in the 10 hours Jack and Daniel were alone in Enemies.
Notes: A birthday fic for JD Angel.

Closing the Door
By
JayEm

‘I’m sure you did your best…’

Damned if Daniel didn’t sound like he still believes that, I kinda wondered…

Kinda, hell. I’ve wondered it a lot over the past few months and had just about convinced myself there was no way he really could still have faith in me after the things we’ve been through this past year. It all started with my James Bond - Lone Ranger stunt to out Maybourne and his merry men, when I lied and made Daniel think he didn’t matter to me.

And God and I both know that’s not the truth. Nobody matters more, nobody ever will.

When Daniel asked if I wanted to talk about what happened on Vorash my first instinct was the ‘hell, no’ I’ve always relied on to keep my distance emotionally. But then I heard Daniel’s sigh, a sound I realized I was getting used to hearing and didn’t like. His head went down and his shoulders slumped in a defeat that didn’t look good on him, not good at all.

Despite my habitual poor behavior these days, Daniel was still reaching out, still trying. And I couldn’t help wondering if this time might be the last time he tried, if this might be the time when he realized it was too much effort to keep trying to recapture the closeness we’d always known. The fear of him giving up on us made me search for the words I’d never offer anyone else.

‘My best wasn’t good enough…’ Painfully true. Hasn’t been good enough for a lot of things lately.

Daniel’s words make as much sense as they always do; it was an ambush - orchestrated by people who’ve perfected the art - but it doesn’t help. Teal’c’s jaffa revenge thing had me more than a little off kilter but still…

It wasn’t enough.

Now Daniel is looking away from me and I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head, looking for a way to help. Daniel’s just that kind of guy, but I’m pretty sure he’s lost for a way to do…a way to breach the distance that’s been between us way too long now. His hands dance in his lap for a moment before finally slipping slowly back to rest on my forearm, squeezing gently.

Now, Daniel touches have always been rare things, things to be stored up and remembered as often as possible. Sometimes I think there’s no one less touchy-feely on the planet than Daniel, but knowing the reasons he’s got for holding back, I learned how to slip underneath the barriers and show him that touch can be a very good thing between friends. Up until things went south between us he’d been getting pretty good at it too. I can’t remember either one of us reaching out to other for months now…not since the last time the five us were together when they rescued me and Teal’c from our one way trip out of the solar system and before that longer than I can remember. I can’t even say I know why it happened - just that it set a bad precedent I only realize now I don’t like and don’t want to continue.

Raising my arm slowly so as not to dislodge his, I grasp his shoulder and squeeze gently. I’m surprised - or maybe I’m not - to feel a shudder run through him at my touch. God, it really has been too long. His hand tightens around my arm and his head ducks away, and I know if I could see his eyes they’d be bright with tears I haven’t seen in a long time either.

Dammit….

I was just easier to let things go between us than to deal with what could be if I ever told him how much I care about him, for him. Easier for me not to know if he felt the same, easier on our professional lives not to explore the possibilities.

Dammit, when the hell have I ever liked taking the easy way…and now it may be way too late. No…can’t be too late…

I let my hand do some talking for me, let it slip across his shoulder to his neck and back again slowly, not quite sensuously - just in case. He freezes for a long minute, his body tense and rigid under my touch, and I can see his jaw working - a sure sign he’s fighting to get something under control. It just remains to be seen what.

Seems like forever until his hand starts moving on my arm, tiny movements back and forth, soothing and tingling at the same time - and in no way mistakable as anything but what it is.

“Daniel?” My voice is barely there, the question in it encompassing every thought and desire I’ve had of Daniel for so long now….

His head ducks again and I hear a sigh of breath that could have been my name before he shits on the step and is finally facing me. His eyes are bright, like I thought, but clear to read and showing me what I was afraid I’d lost forever.

I use the hand on his shoulder to pull him closer, feel the slight hesitation and whisper, “Please…”

He leans into me, his free hand coming up to barely touch my cheek. “Are you sure, Jack?”

He’s deadly serious and I can read the warning in his eyes that this really will be the last time he tries if I push him away again. Just the thought makes my heart ache in my chest and tears swell into my own eyes at the possibility of losing this now. Or ever. Oh yeah, I’m sure.

Like always he reads me, sees the truth even as I realize it myself. He completes the path to my lips and I raise my head to meet him halfway, unable to wait any longer. God, it’s more - better - than I’d ever imagined. It’s like coming home to a place I’d never dreamed of but wanted all my life. Daniel is my home and the past is gone the way of all bad dreams. No more regrets, no more doubts. From here out it’s all or nothing for both of us.

Pulling Daniel closer, I explore his mouth his face, his neck…all of him I can reach. He’s come up on his knees on the lower step and is returning the favor with the enthusiasm he usually reserves for rare and precious artifacts - and I want to laugh and cry at the same time as it hits me that he must feel that way about me.

We’ve wasted so much time already. Apophis is out there and in just over nine hours we could all die at his hands, I can’t and won’t let us waste these precious hours. But we’re wide open here and Carter and Jacob could come back up at any moment. Regretfully, I push him back so I can breathe out, “Wait…”

“What?” His face screws up in confusion and I have to laugh at how thoroughly debauched he looks after just a few minutes of kissing, and realize I can’t wait to see what he looks like after more.

“We need…” I gesture toward the open door.

“A door….” He finishes with a snort and leans back breathing hard, his eyes never leaving mine as his brain sets to work on the problem at hand. We can’t go far, we need to keep one ear out for the various alarms. With the look I’ve always loved seeing come over his face, Daniel jumps to his feet. “C’mon, I’ve got an idea…”
I let him pull me to my feet, double-check the open corridor and kiss him again. Whatever his idea is, I want him to hurry. I’ve got years of need saved up and now that I’ve given myself permission to feel it, I suddenly can’t wait any longer.

Daniel draws me back with him, past Chronos’ throne, toward a doorway behind a curtain I don’t remember noticing before. It’s a small control room, who knows what it’s for, and I can’t help my instant flash on the Wizard of Oz…maybe this is where the goa’uld keep all their bells and whistles to impress and terrorize the masses. Daniel slips back out with a tap to my comm. unit and I get what he means right away. A quick call to Carter confirms she and Dad are looking at an all-nighter with the engines and I promise to bring dinner in a few hours. When I finish I look around to see that Daniel’s hauled in one of our sleeping bags we’d brought up here on the flight to Vorash, the ship being so big and so goa’uld-y none of us felt really comfortable sleeping on the lower decks. Sliding the door close, Daniel touches one of the wall panels and the room is bathed in soft light…perfect light.

For no reason I can fathom, I’m suddenly nervous in the face of the sheer love in Daniel’s eyes, the hunger that lingers over his body just as surely as if he were wearing a sign declaring he owns me the way I own him. We belong to each other now, no turning back, no doubts or regrets.

He touches me, and all doubts fade.

We’re kissing, and I’m drowning in the taste and sensation of Daniel. It’s too much and not enough at the same time, and I swear if he doesn’t shed some clothes soon I’m going to spontaneously combust and we won’t have to worry about Apophis lurking out there to kill us. He pulls me in and his hands slide up under my shirt, working it out of my pants in agonizingly slow increments until finally his hands are touching my chest and back and the shirt is up around my neck. I back off enough to let him pull it off and jerk at his a little less gently, suddenly desperate to see and feel what’s always been off limits.

God, he really is a gorgeous guy. So damn glad he’s mine now. I reach out to touch his chest, feeling his skin shiver under my fingers and knowing it’s for me, will only ever be for me….

Then he’s pulled me close and we’re skin on skin, and it’s all I can do not to shout out at the rightness of it all. If kissing was coming home, this is coming to heaven….

Daniel in my arms and we’re falling onto the sleeping bag and touching everywhere and everything we can. My belt open and my pants gone before I can even think about how and I moan at the sensation of his hands on my cock, biting my lips to keep from coming at the sensations rippling over me. I’m lost in the feelings and right now it’s Daniel’s show. He backs up and scoots that perfect ass into the air, his tongue and lips following down my chest and stomach as he simultaneously keeps me on the edge and loosens his own pants in a series of tantalizing wiggles. Then he’s back up with me and for the first time we’re together with no barriers between us.

Damn…nothing should feel this good. Nothing ever has or will. I loved Sara, always will in a lot of ways, but this is something different, something more than I ever suspected love and sex could be. Pure need, raw desire and a perfect meeting of body and mind I’ve never dreamed of in my wildest fantasies. And believe me some of them have been pretty wild.

Daniel is pushing against me, his cock pulsing and hard alongside mine, pre-come slickening us both and make the friction perfect. Daniel’s lips are on mine again and his small pants barely mask the words he whispers as he pushes us both closer and closer to completion.

“Love you, Jack…”

And God, I want to tell him I do too, manage to squeak out the first word even as his tongue does something magical to my ear and I’m lost in an explosion of pleasure, wetness and heat that nearly overwhelm every synapse in my body.

Maybe the damn star blew up after all….

I come down slowly to the realization that Daniel is slumped and shuddering against me, his body pulsing along with the cock I can still feel against me.

Damn.

My hands stroke along his back, trying to ease the tremors, and I kiss his temples and ears - all I can reach at the moment and whisper to him as he finally stirs, “Love you, Daniel.”

He sighs against my chest and stirs enough to bring his chin up to look me in the eye. Shit, he looks like a fallen angel…a wonderfully and thoroughly loved angel but mine. All mine. Just like I’m his.

Whatever the hell happens on this tub, nothing’s going to change that. If we live - or die here - we do it together. We’ve opened a lot of doors here in the past few hours - real and imagined; I have no intention of letting them close again.

*fin*