Title: Crossing the Divide
Date: April, 24, 2001
Status: Complete
Author: JayEm
Category: angst, slash, first time
Rating: PG13
Email: jay_em5@yahoo.com
Spoilers: Divide and Conquer
Author’s note: A private challenge to get them into the shower within the context of this irksome ep.....
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole

Crossing the Divide
By JayEm

Pleasantly warm water streamed over Jack’s face, pooling down to separate and rejoin at the center of his chest before trickling a path downward, washing away the tension of the day and the clarity of thought which had come as such a shock.

So close to losing it all, so close to never knowing...

The zatarc device had nearly destroyed them - in ways none of them could or would have guessed a mere twenty-four hours earlier. Twenty-four hours - one day, one night - just enough time to reach a conclusion that seemed so obvious to him now.

Jack knew Daniel was still angry - not about the admission he’d made during his last session on the machine. No, Daniel understood the words and feelings Jack revealed were very true in the context in which they’d been spoken. Jack did care more than he should; Daniel understood that better than anyone. It was a strength and a weakness Jack had recognized in himself long before he’d had to admit it before witnesses who believed exactly what they wanted to believe and didn’t dig any deeper.

No, Daniel was angry because Jack had said Carter’s survival was more important than his own. Daniel had always made it clear he hated it when Jack devalued himself, even as he teased occasionally. For all Jack was sure Daniel was way smarter than he was, and Daniel would kick his ass, literally and verbally - again - if he could hear his thoughts, Daniel had never made Jack feel less than his intellectual peer - if not in details then in understanding. Daniel challenged him, always had, and refused to let him get away with lazy thinking - or thinking himself less important than his scientific teammates.

It had been a very near thing - Jack had almost missed the undercurrent of emotion nearly hidden beneath the lean tension of the black-clad form holding itself almost as far removed from the situation as Daniel’s actual body had been from Jack.

Daniel’s body....

Jack smiled as the water slid through his chest hair, tickling its way along the trail of grey and gold to dance along his sensitized cock, teasing a small reaction as he let memory carry him along.

Daniel standing there as Jack busied his hands with the yoyo Feretti had given him for Christmas. Jack had still been feeling more than a little queasy from Freya’s advances; a decidedly unpleasant experience despite the fact the Tok’ra scientist was a remarkably attractive woman. Her questions had struck a nerve, a nerve Jack had barely acknowledged existed, much less chosen to contemplate beyond isolated dreams on dark and lonely nights that had left him with questions he couldn’t begin to form, much less answer.

Daniel had been close to breaking, though he had tried to hide it beneath sharp-edged banter and jokes. But Jack had known - like he had always known - and looked beyond the defensive maneuvers to see...

~~~~~~~

Daniel padded back and forth across the cold tiles, hands rigidly clasping the soft blue towel around his waist. He had only to take a step, a single step, to drive away the last of the nightmare this day had become - but it was a step he feared.

The day had brought many changes, many nightmare images he would be a long time coming to terms with - watching Jack walk away toward what could have been a painful death - or a madness which would have been every bit as tragic. Seeing the truth in Jack’s eyes, even as he felt shivers of hope that at long last he’d found what he’d been looking for - only to face losing it within the same hour. Making the monumental effort to concentrate on the job at hand even as Jack spoke the words Daniel was sure would have destroyed him if they’d been uttered just a few hours sooner. The day had ended in the death of a friend - and very nearly in the death of the only dream he had let himself hold on to among the ashes of so many others he’d lost.

A dream that still might die, if Daniel could not make that final step.

He was still angry; he acknowledged it even as he tried to suppress it. Jack could have died in some misguided belief that his life held no value, for himself or anyone else.

He would have been so wrong.

Looking up into the mirror over the sink, Daniel recognized the dark expression on his own face - it was the one he had learned so well to hide his emotions behind. It hadn’t been hard to do, so many things to keep hidden, and Daniel was nothing if not thorough. It had almost worked to the bitter end; an end Daniel was sure would never have been an end at all, not so long as he had to live with knowing. Knowing those eyes which had drawn him to this place and time with the promise of things Daniel had barely permitted himself to contemplate, believing them too far beyond possibility to even be allowed in his dreams. Knowing the pleasure of a hesitant touch that asked forgiveness even as it granted permission.

All that was left was to give it.

Emerging momentarily from the inner struggle between reaching out for his future and letting his fear deny him something he knew he needed as much as breathing, Daniel let his eyes wander over what he could see of his body. Taut shoulders and biceps made his reflection seem intense; defining sharp angles he could see even without his glasses, angles that seemed to echo his mood, and he made an effort to relax the rigid grip he held on his towel.

It didn’t help.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Light footsteps on the bathroom tiles penetrated the semi-erotic haze Jack had let himself fall into.

Close, so close.

Freezing all movement, he waited and listened - straining his hearing beyond the steady patter of the water - waiting for the decision that would make or break the only future he wanted.

The future pacing agitatedly just a few feet away.

Water skittered across his shoulders as he turned and raised one hand in something approaching supplication, needing to reach out, knowing he couldn’t. This last step had to be taken alone, and all Jack could do was wait.

A soft sigh just beyond the shower curtain startled Jack.

Close now, almost there.

The sound of soft cloth falling onto the tile floor.

Poised between wanting to step back in fear of the sound of footsteps walking away and wanting to reach out to call them back before they even moved, Jack couldn’t breathe. Closing his eyes, Jack reached out for the support of the metal towel rack, blindly searching for something to hold onto - and felt a warm hand close over his.

“Jack...”

The voice was barely a whisper, but it carried the power of love and conviction, of commitment to whatever course they might travel together.

Opening his eyes and his arms, Jack helped Daniel take the last step to cross the divide.

*fin*