The Fire Sermon
By
JayEm

Heat.

Running.

Heat.

Stop to breathe scorching air.

Run again.

Not enough moisture left in us to even sweat anymore. Not a spare moment to speak - and not a hell of a lot to say even if we could spare the breath or energy for it.

No time, no time, no time….

Funny how you always think there’ll be plenty of time to say and do all the things you put off for the good of the team, for fear of things your imagination can turn into huge walls of distance that only serve to play into the fears themselves.

“Jack…” Daniel’s voice rasps out; it sounds so harsh and would hardly be recognizable if I didn’t know we were the only two people alive on this planet.

At least - we are for now.

I gesture for a breather, can’t even spare the breath to say I need to breathe. I’d laugh at my own shitty joke but like I said….

Daniel comes up beside me, leaning over to rest his hands on his knees, sucking in the short, shallow pants that seem to help filter at least some of the scorching air assaulting our lungs. Looking him over, I have to swallow hard at the sorry sight he makes.

His hair is singed, his hat long gone, and the ever-present bandanna is already in use as a bandage around the palm and wrist of his left hand where he burned it knocking a flaming branch off my shoulders. Both our jackets are black and spotted with holes - some honking big holes - where stuff keeps falling from the trees without warning. Damn inconsiderate forest fire.

Shit, I’ve burnt my sense of humor too….

Daniel’s right pant leg is split from mid-thigh to the top of his boot where it caught on a branch after we dived off an embankment dodging yet another falling, flaming tree. He really does look like hell…

And I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more.

That’s the one big thing I always thought we’d have time to work out slowly - or not - but a constant I could depend on even if I was to shit-scared to do anything about it. Always thought there’d be time to see if he could possibly feel the same way, time to plan the seduction to end all seductions far away from the prying eyes of the military and the constant pressures of the job.

No one knows me like Daniel does, no one. And I like to think I know him better than anyone on this planet at least has ever taken the time to. More fools them because there is no worthier pursuit in my book. Getting to know Daniel Jackson is like unlocking one of his mysteries of the universe, for every question answered ten more spring up in its place - just as fascinating and just as challenging.

Oh, hell… I’m waxing poetic.

Must be oxygen deprivation….

The fire is all around us, jumping from treetop to treetop, feeding on the lower brush around the trunks, igniting the detritus of season after season of decaying undisturbed by anyone or anything as quickly as if it were doused in kerosene.

A dead planet, Carter called it, decaying slowly after some theoretical cosmic fluke destroyed all life outside of a few underground critters that supposedly posed no danger. And they didn’t - until Carter stuck her hand in some hole in the ground and one of them bit her. Just a little bite, didn’t even swell up or turn red, but Fraiser wanted to see it for herself so Teal’c escorted Carter back through the gate while Daniel and I began the long task of breaking camp.

We were only supposed to stay here one more day anyway, most of their tests had been run and rerun, and neither Carter nor Daniel had so much as frowned at my suggestion that we pack it up early and head for home.

It was on our second trip back to the gate, loaded down with Carter’s portable lab, that the lightning struck. It was way worse than any firefight I’ve ever been in, sheets of lightning bombarding the tree line in front of us, wave after wave of electric bombs that left the air crackling around us. We dropped the case and pulled back, both of us realizing at the same time that the caves back near our campsite were our only chance.

Daniel has a nine year advantage on me, but I’ve got longer legs and a more practiced survival instinct so we kept pace pretty damn well as we dodged debris, falling limbs, and the lightning itself. We were almost halfway there when I saw the first wave of the fire, spreading faster than I would ever have thought possible, moving into position to cut us off. It wasn’t hard to figure then that the odds against us had jumped completely off the scale of karmic justice and taken a flying leap onto the ‘give me a fucking break’ bandwagon.

The hell of it is, the one thing we haven’t seen in the four days we’ve been on this damn planet was water, not so much as a dry creek bed. Carter theorized drought or some lingering effect of whatever had killed all the wildlife. The UAV hadn’t scouted anything, not within a ten mile circle outward from the Stargate anyway. To cap it off we were effectively cut off from a direct line to the stargate by the fire - not that there was a chance in hell of living in the black smoke between us and it if we could have gotten through. Within a few minutes the smoke had the sun filtered down to nearly nothing, turning the forest into a nightmare lit by it’s own eerie red glow. Holing up in the caves completely lost its appeal when it became clear the tunnels were acting like a big chimney, drawing in the smoke and turning what we thought was our only hope of survival into a death chamber.

We didn’t have to talk about what to do after that; we ran.

The fire was coming in from the south and west. The UAV had searched every direction but north, so we banked everything on the off chance there’s water to be found there, or at least that the wind wouldn’t shift and bring the fire after us. We bet wrong and our leap of faith may yet kill us both.

Daniel coughs one more time, his lungs as raspy-sounding as his voice, and nods that he’s ready to move on. Much as I hate it, so am I.

~*~

Jack looks so tired. The soot and sweat have combined to carve out every line on his face. I hate seeing that look on his face at anytime - the look of apologetic pain he gets when faced with what looks like a no-win situation - and the grime makes it that much worse. I much refer the eye twinkle and ‘bite me’ look he gets when inspiration strikes and he turns everything around into a win for us.

I’m tired too, but I won’t slow him down. I made my mind up a long time ago that I’d never let Jack down that way. The team too, that goes without saying, but mostly Jack.

It’s always been Jack.

Too bad it’s taken me this long to figure it out. No, that’s not entirely true, I think I’ve always known Jack was more than just a friend to me. While Sha’re lived though, I couldn’t acknowledge just what that ‘more’ might be. And now it’s too late.

Jack’s still got hope, I can see it in his eyes, but watching the fire gain on us I don’t think I can share it. I think we’re going to die here - and as glad as I am for Jack’s company, I don’t want to watch another person I love die.

Yeah, that’s what it is.

Love.

Jack’s stopped in front of me and I’m so lost in the mindless place I’ve found beyond the physical pain and exhaustion, I collide with his heaving back before I even notice. He grabs my arms, pulling us both back from falling over the cliff in front of us. All I can do is breathe hard as Jack continues to hang onto me, the tight physical touch almost as distracting as the expanse of valley below us. A valley with a narrow river framed by more green than we’ve seen anywhere else on this planet. I feel Jack’s grip tighten even further as my knees almost go weak in relief…before tightening in realization of what it’s going to take to get us down there.

“Damn…” Jack’s breathless voice reflects his understanding, plus an added something I can’t quite define. I twist in his grip enough to see the fire has moved up behind us, we’re well and truly cut off now. Can’t go back, can’t waste time looking for another way down. We’ve got no hope, no gear….

No choice.

I finally meet Jack’s eyes and damned if he isn’t grinning at me, he’s watched me figure out our nonexistent options, knows I know what we have to do, knows I’m in - however much I may hate the idea. His lips part as if he’s got something really important to say, then he just nods, hands loosening and rubbing my arms almost tenderly before letting me go.

The rock face of the cliff looks old, guttered with natural cracks, ledges, and erosion furrows that should make this a little less impossible than it looked at first. Jack and I crouch on the edge, studying the cracks for a likely place to start down.

A few years ago I’d have spent a little longer looking for another way out, hell, a few years ago I wouldn’t have understood or accepted the fact there were no other options here. Guess it’s a kind of progress….

Maybe.

Funny what time and death and pushing limits can do for a person’s confidence. I still don’t like some of the things I’ve done, and have to do, as a member of SG1, but I also know the limits I used to set for myself were my own fears working against me. Sometimes it seems almost like it was someone else who first stepped through the Stargate into a future he could never have imagined…but there isn’t much I’d change about my life as it is now, even if I could.

Jack points at a crevice a few feet below us and I nod agreement, looking beyond his shoulder at the encroaching fire. As I stoop down and swing my legs over the side, I sneak one last lingering look at Jack and amend my earlier thought…

I would change this.

~*~

God, I love that look….

That ‘damned if we do, damned if we don’t, but damned if there’s any other choice’ crook of Daniel’s mouth and eyebrow that reflect the essential, stubborn courage of the man. He hates this, but he’ll do it. No question. Because he has to. We have to.

Just hope to hell we can.

We’re barely over the edge before the fire is licking away at the rough, dry brush along the top. The trees we ran under not ten minutes ago are fully engulfed now, with luck the wind won’t shift and this cliff will serve as a natural firebreak. If we can make it to safety somewhere around the river while it does, we can head for home in a day or two. Too many damn big ‘ifs’. If one spark or ember carries down below us and finds a foothold we’ll be literally caught between two fires, clinging onto this rock face until the smoke gets us - or our strength gives out and we fall. Crap, there’s an image I didn’t need. Thanks to Nem I already have enough built-in nightmare fodder of watching Daniel burn to death to last a lifetime.

The dark thoughts are enough to disturb my concentration and I call for a breather. We’re far enough down now that we aren’t breathing smoke anymore, and there’s even a bit of a cool breeze drifting up from below. I edge down until I’m alongside Daniel and take a minute to check him over.

I’d forgotten about the burn on his hand, the bandanna around it is filthy and his grip is off which tells me it’s got to be hurting like hell…the tight lines around his mouth and eyes confirm it. He’s leaning his weight into his arms, trying to ease the pressure on his back just like I’m doing, but his hands are still doing the majority of the work.

Looking down, I can see a little more in the way of ledges that’ll make the descent easier. Fifteen or twenty feet and it’ll be much smoother sailing….but that’s plenty enough room for mistakes.

I nudge over and reach around Daniel, once I’ve got a firm grip I press into him so he can let go and rest his hand. I’m rewarded with a huge sigh and almost have to laugh at his moan of relief.

In any other circumstances this would be a wet dream come true. Daniel in my arms, his well-formed backside aligned with my eager and willing front side, his hair tickling my cheek, his ear near enough my tongue is just this close to slipping out on its own for a taste….

God, I ought to tell him, need to. Maybe if - when - we get to the bottom. Maybe then I can stop running and take a chance.

~*~

Oh. God.

The warmth of Jack’s body against mine, his chest moving with his shallow breaths echoing into my back, the pressure of his crotch resting against my ass….

God…

It’s too intimate - and if we weren’t hanging off the side of a cliff I ‘d melt into the touch willingly.

And probably make a fool of myself - just before he killed me. No, that’s not fair; Jack’s not like that. But it would put a wall between us we’d never find a way across, and nothing would ever be the same again. I’d rather be alone than take a foolish risk with the friendship that means the most to me on this or any other world.

For now, I’m content to rest like this for as long as Jack will allow it, to feel his breath on my neck, to absorb the solid reality of his weight against me into a treasured memory.

Too soon I hear him clear his throat and softly ask if I’m ready. I nod, knowing if I try to speak right now I’ll never be able to hide what I’m feeling from him. Jack waits for me to get a firm handhold before slowly, so slowly, moving off to the side again so we can continue the descent together.

A chill runs through me at the loss of Jack’s warmth and I can see him noticing it. I give him what I’m sure is a pretty shaky reassuring smile and drop my leg to feel for the next foothold below.

The cliff is sloping gradually - ten, fifteen feet and the climb won’t be as much a strain as it is now. A few more feet below that and the cliff degrades into a wash of dirt, shale and broken rock…we’ll at least slide the rest of the way down if we fall. Not something I want to find out for myself, but sliding has got to be better than bouncing.

Looking over, I can see Jack is having similar thoughts, his eyes tracking from my hands to the loose shale below us. He looks at me for a long moment, and underneath the soot and the worried look I see something new. For a moment it’s almost as if I can hear him say ‘we go together’…but that couldn’t be right.

Jack can’t be thinking….

Oh, God…he is.

The realization hits me like a physical force, my foot slips. Unable to recover I lose my grip…

I’m so sorry, Jack….

~*~

Oh, shit no.

Everything slows down. Daniel’s hand slips away from the rock face, he can’t compensate for the lost foothold. His eyes - eyes that had just looked at me as if he’d discovered the real meaning of life gone wide in apology and regret before slipping down out of sight.

No fucking way.

Don’t have to think about it, I’m diving after him, falling onto the loose rock - miraculously missing the bigger debris to land in dirt. Daniel’s just below me, still sliding, and from the lack of recovery measures I figure he’s dazed or possibly even unconscious. I push off and launch myself at him, gathering him to my chest. Then we’re sliding and rolling down together, our backs and backsides taking the brunt of the friction. I hear Daniel moan and hiss a few times as the ride gets bumpy - he’s definitely awake enough now to feel every jolt - and I can’t help but let loose with a few of my own.

I finally feel us slowing down and risk a glance over Daniel’s shoulder to see we’re near the bottom, the slope gentling out. We come to a completely anti-climactic halt where the dirt and rock meet the grass of the riverbank.

We just lay there, breathing hard and hanging onto each other. We should get up, I know we should…but, hell, this feels pretty darn good and after that ride I’m in no hurry to move.

We’ll go soon.

Soon.

~*~

Damn.

Waking up hurts. For that matter every inch of me hurts, scrapes and bruises biting and aching in the cool, damp air.

I’m cold.

No…that’s not right, not all of me is cold. Parts are pretty damn warm. I’m resting on something - not exactly soft, but not hard either - and definitely warm.

I finally pry my eyes open to find myself nose to neck with…Jack.

Oh.

He’s still got a tight grip on me - the one clear thing I remember about falling is Jack suddenly being there, wrapping me in his arms, and the peace I felt in knowing that whatever happened we were in it together. I honestly thought we were going to die together…but somehow that was okay too.

Jack’s snoring - sort of a snuffle-whoosh I’ve heard more times than I can recall during missions, so much different listening to it from this unheard of vantage point. This has been a trip full of surprises - surprising memories, surprising moments, surprising revelations - one more seems a gift I couldn’t possibly deserve.

I think I’ll let him sleep, I don’t have to move much to see the fire hasn’t followed us down here - at least not yet. We can afford to rest, after the day we’ve had we need to - and I really don’t want to give up this feeling any sooner than I have to.

I sigh at my own self-indulgence. I know I should get up, wake Jack and get us to the river. It’s already dusk and I’m so thirsty I doubt my voice would work any better than my body seems to. But…

What the hell?

~*~

Stay, Daniel, please stay…

I can feel his muscles warring with themselves - caught between wanting to stay and wanting to go. My hopeful side is more than a little fond of the notion that he seems to be leaning farther to the ‘stay’ side than the ‘go’.

Good. If it’s hard to decide it just might mean….

Hell, it just might mean he’s too wiped out to even try to get up. Wouldn’t matter if he was laying on an Unas right now.

Then again….

I saw his eyes when he fell, saw him see what I was too stupid and too scared to hide anymore. Just the thought of him falling had been enough to rip through my gut - and he saw. Saw everything. And I could see it hit him so hard I might as well have pushed him off that cliff myself.

But, damn it, was it a good hard or a bad hard?

A good hard would end this scenario with us waking up and looking each other in the eye, grinning like a couple of fools and kissing our way to something else hard. A bad hard would be us looking at each other and him getting that look I’ve learned means he’s in so far over his head he doesn’t know what to do - just before his eyes go hard and he closes up on everything.

Damn…please just stay, Daniel.

His body relaxes against me and it’s all I can do not to cling to him, hold him - and this moment - still for as long as possible. Stop time, stop the running, just stop everything for a little bit longer so we don’t have to face what might come if we let reality in.

Oh, shit…he’s stiffened up against me. He knows I’m awake.

No, dammit, no.

It’s too soon.

He shifts a little, his face coming up to meet mine…. still with me, not pulling away...

I really hate waiting. At the best of times, patience is nowhere near my long suit - and this waiting is the worst ever. His eyes are full of questions, but still here…that’s got to be a good sign. I make an effort to speak, realize I can’t, and just look at him helplessly…hoping he knows - like he always knows - what I’m thinking.

His eyes go - soft, I can’t think of any better word for it, but it’s a look I’ve seen before. After coming back to Earth thinking he was dead on Klorel’s ship, seeing him slip out from behind a crowd of airmen, this was the look in his eyes - a look of disbelief, not quite sure of his welcome, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time.

Hoping I’m interpreting this correctly, I let one hand slip up slowly from his back, feeling him shudder against me. His eyes close as my fingers stroke over his cheekbone, following the long plane of his jaw down and across to his lips. He sighs and opens his eyes to look at me again…

Oh, God…

~*~

Oh, God. Jack…

Please, let this be real.

I have to close my eyes again. I’m unconscious and dreaming, I have to be. I don’t want to wake up and find Jack’s touch gone, don’t want to give into this feeling only to open my eyes and lose it again.

But I have to. I can’t live a dream and I need to know.

He’s still there, dirty and smelly and solid…and giving me that helpless, hopeful look that begs for understanding because he can’t quite come up with the words himself. His hand lingers on my lips as he half-smiles…and then I know.

It’s real.

I smile back at him and nod, once, just so he knows we’re okay…Hell, we’re better than okay. We’re great. Only thing better would be…

I push up with my feet, too sore and too tired for much else, but I’ve got to kiss him, just once. He gingerly tries to help, wincing in sympathy when I hiss a little at the pain of all the little scrapes and burns stretching along with me. Jack raises his head and meets me halfway, and it’s….

Magic. Heat. Passion I never doubted, there and waiting for me - responding to me.

Wow.

We’re both caught up in it, in the utter affirmation of life after being so sure we were about to die. Caught in the freedom to express what we’ve both known all along, but couldn’t face until it was almost taken away.

I can’t help a moan as his touch and his tongue ignite my body and soul, freeing me in a way I never expected to be again. He’s rolling us now, his hands carefully keeping me close until I’m lying in the grass and he’s on top of me. I look up in surprise and he’s grinning, his eyes lit up like a kid who just got everything he wanted for every Christmas for the rest of his life.

Wow.

~*~

He may smell like smoke and sweat, even his breath tastes of wood smoke, but I’ve never known a sweeter kiss. He’s mine, just the way I’ve always dreamed, and I wouldn’t care right now if he smelled like Sokar’s outhouse.

Mine, my Daniel.

I’m trying to be gentle but he’s pulling me closer, tighter, harder until I can feel my body reacting everywhere we’re touching. Tingling, burning, damn near exploding if he doesn’t stop rubbing against me…

Oh, geez.

He’s not stopping. He’s pushing up against me with a damn sight more energy than I’d have thought he was capable of and I let myself go with it. After the day we’ve had, the release is as much physical as it is emotional. I manage to get my hands under his shirt, trying to be careful but needing it too damn much to think. We’ll do it better next time, I’m a firm believer in practice making perfect, but for now…

God.

I come with a shudder that rocks my entire body, feeling him flex beneath me just before he rasps out my name and his own release adds to the dampness of our pants where our cocks meet. I lean in to kiss him again, feeling something tickle against my lips.

Hell, he’s laughing into my mouth - the happiest damn sound I’ve ever heard - and I can’t help but join him. I’ve never seen Daniel like this - totally open, totally responsive, totally trusting - and the meaning of it all sobers me until I have to pull back so I can see him. It’s all there in his face, there in his smiling - slightly damp - eyes, there in the curve of his lips and in the lines of happiness dimpling around them.

This is it for him. This is Daniel in love. With me.

The weight of the honor falls on my shoulders, a burden that will never be one because I love him too. Whatever else may come into our lives, this will be our new constant. The running is over, for both of us.

*fin*