Title: On the Threshold
Date: October 7, 2001
Author: JayEm
Email: Jay_Em5@yahoo.com
Status: Complete
Rating: PG13
Category: slash, pre-slash…a kiss okay?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to each other ~ but MGM has dibs.
Spoilers: Threshold, The Light, Double Jeopardy, Enemies
Summary: Comfort grows into more…
Notes: A wee thing to reflect my mood

On the Threshold
by JayEm

Jack left Teal’c’s infirmary room on a mission, a mission to find a certain missing archaeologist was supposed to have gone to rest, but was more likely to have gone off to some dark corner to brood over the scathing words Teal’c’s still brainwashed psyche had unloaded on him.

They’d both thought Teal’c was asleep and had been chatting quietly about possible strategies to help Teal’c see the illogic of his renewed belief in Apophis as his all-knowing god. Daniel had hedged uncomfortably, but finally offered to bring up the topic of Amaunet and Teal’c’s role in her death. Jack didn’t consider it for a moment, immediately and forcefully denying permission for Daniel to try. Already Teal’c had hurt them all with his words, it was enough; there was no way Jack would allow Daniel to bare his soul and have it ripped apart by the callous hatred of this stranger who only looked like Teal’c.

Daniel had started to protest half-heartedly, willing but unsure, then Teal’c had woken up and latched onto his former goddess’ name, striking out with a rush of venomous words. Daniel’s face had blanched to pure white in a matter of seconds and shock made him utterly defenseless. Jack had tried to stop it, had vainly hoped to stuff the words back into the mouth of the attacking enemy who was somehow - somewhere - still a friend. Fraiser had finally interceded with a hypo, her own face as pale as her lab coat, and Jack had ordered Daniel to his quarters while he helped the doctor settle Teal’c back onto the bed.

Jack knew the hateful words were the very stuff of Daniel’s nightmares, nightmares where Teal’c and Daniel had never reached the level of mutual respect and friendship they had known. Nightmares where Teal’c had chosen Sha’re and killed Sha’re without a thought or regret. Nightmares of pain so deep Daniel would wake in a panicked sweat, wild-eyed and lost, and so deeply ashamed that his subconscious could turn a trusted friend into an enemy. Jack had seen them, heard them, pulled Daniel out of them too many times to count.

Turning down the corridor toward Daniel’s lab, Jack wasn’t surprised to see light showing beneath the door. Once he’d realized Daniel wasn’t in his on-base quarters, Jack had known where to go. The lab with its shelves of artifacts, its musty books, its pictures of a past where Daniel had been happy at varying points in his life was Daniel’s refuge. The one place where he could close the door on the realities of life in the SGC and be alone with the things that grounded him and brought him comfort. Off-base the place was Jack’s oddly enough, rather than his own home…especially since the day Jack had found him poised on his balcony, ready to let go, under the influence of light-induced depression.

There were several occasions in Jack’s life that stood out as points of helplessness: Charlie’s death certainly; the Iraqi mess; having to leave Daniel behind on Klorel’s ship; the goa’ulding at Hathor’s palace; losing Daniel to the Unas and to the phase shift that had made him invisible to them all. But few had hit him quite so hard. Part of it had been Daniel’s words, the tone of voice that told Jack too clearly how far gone Daniel was in the pain that threatened to overwhelm him and send him to the street without a backward glance. Somehow Jack had pulled him back, or Daniel had pulled himself back - it didn’t matter, what did matter was that Daniel had survived and hadn’t left Jack to watch another loved one die.

It had been then that Jack had recognized a depth of feeling for Daniel that surpassed the level of any friendship he had ever known. What he felt was more than kinship, more than love, more than attraction…it was all that and more. It was seeing a huge hole in his life where Daniel no longer was - and knowing it could never be filled again. No amount of repression had been equal to the feelings that kept him awake at night, to the rush of warmth he knew when Daniel smiled a rare, genuine smile at him, or to the swell of emotion in his gut when something threatened to take it away. Seeing the clone-Daniel’s ‘body’ had been the worst, knowing it could so easily have been ‘his’ Daniel on any given mission, any given day when their luck might run out. He’d resolved then to close the gap between them, to renew their friendship on the myriad levels that had been missing so long. They’d made an excellent start on the tel’tac, Jack had opened up and really talked to Daniel in the hours they waited while the Carter’s repaired the ship. Long hours of waiting found the barriers that had grown between them slipping away, found the essence of their friendship clicking back into place as if it had never gone. Jack didn’t care if they never had more than this; it was enough.

Tapping lightly on the door, Jack pushed it open quietly - hoping but knowing Daniel was asleep. No such luck. Daniel was pacing the floor between his beloved artifact shelves and his desk, arms wrapped tightly around his torso and his eyes locked onto something only he could see. Jack stood a moment, waiting until Daniel slowed and stopped, finally looking up with eyes gone dark with pain.

It took no thought to close the gap between them, no hesitation slowed his steps, no words were necessary as he enclosed the body trembling with suppressed emotion within his arms and held on tightly. Swaying in a gentle comforting rhythm, Jack just held on as Daniel relaxed by aching degrees, gradually accepting what Jack offered and letting go.

“I’m here, Daniel…” Jack whispered.

Daniel’s arms slowly withdrew from their tight grip on his own body, more slowly traveled until they came around Jack’s waist, pulling them closer. Jack dipped his head onto Daniel’s shoulder and sighed as he felt the gesture mirrored by the other man

The tableau existed between them for uncounted minutes; time meant nothing as pain bled away until there was only them. Bodies melded into one another in such a perfect ‘rightness’ that Jack didn’t even think before gently kissing the head beneath his chin. As soon as he realized what he’d done, he froze - so sure he’d just blown it all. Long moments stretched surreally as he waited for the still body within his arms to react, perhaps to push him away for the final time.

Daniel’s head slowly rose until his eyes met Jack’s in confusion. Jack started to pull away, to give Daniel space to either hit him or throw him out.

But Daniel didn’t move, arms still loosely clasped around Jack, didn’t stir at all for interminable seconds in which Jack found he couldn’t breathe.

“I - I should…” Jack stumbled over his words, flight instinct warring with his emotions.

Daniel shook his head then, hands opening against Jack’s back and pulling him closer. “Stay?”

With a long sigh, Jack nodded, returning to his previous position and wondering what exactly had just happened between the two of them. A soft brush of lips against his neck gave him an answer, gave him hope, gave him everything.

*fin*