There'd been a time when he'd believed he didn't have a heart any more. At the very least, it had lost the capacity to feel – or not so much lost as frozen out. He'd locked it away in cold storage, buried it under a glacier's worth of solid ice he thought nothing could penetrate. Yet something must've thawed it out bit by bit because he felt it now – the raw pain of a mortal wound in his chest that expanded and filled his whole being. Like the tinman who'd realized he had a heart when he felt it breaking, Jack discovered his heart's stubborn hold on life now in the midst of its death throes.

He shivered as the dying embers flared briefly in the dark, their faint warmth too weak to dissipate the chill clinging to him. Huddled closer into the blanket draped around his shoulders, Jack clutched the only tangible remainder of Daniel: his glasses. Rocking mindlessly, he stared unseeing at the fragile lenses.

Fragile though they were, they'd outlasted the body which had worn them.

Dust to dust…or in this case glow to glow.

In any case, Daniel was as good as dead. The famed Jackson luck at spinning through death's revolving door had finally run out. This time the comeback kid was not coming back.

Intellectually, Jack knew Daniel had ascended to a higher plane with Oma Desala and was living happily ever after in the land of the glowy light beings. Emotionally that didn't mean squat. Daniel was lost to him there as surely as if he'd died and gone to a traditional harps-n-angels style heaven.

And there was no place in heaven or Oma's world for... if not quite a devil surely someone with a dented, battered and tarnished halo.

Alone again. Naturally. The old song was no more comforting than on the day he'd first heard it.

Loss was an old, familiar companion. Jack thought he should recognize the feel of it by now, the wrenching ache at losing a friend. Only this wasn't like when John died, or Kawalsky. Somehow it was so much more. Daniel was the closest friend he'd ever had, but that still didn't cover it. He'd tried to find the words as Daniel lay bleeding his life away. Tried and failed. Came up with a lousy excuse of admiration sort of kind of… Couldn't even say the words, but Daniel had known. Kind of. Sort of.

Shit.

Losing Daniel was more than losing a member of his team, someone he should have protected with his own life.

This was… this was…

Daniel's smile. Blue eyes glowing with laughter even as he winced at one of Jack's off-color jokes.

The tender trust in a ducked head, arms clutched tight around Jack's middle as Daniel wept for lost love and buried family.

This was…

This was…

Admiration.

Yeah. Sure…but.

This was…a friendship thing?

Well, yeah…that too, but still…

This was…

It was….

God.

This was how it felt to lose someone he loved.

Of course he loved Daniel; Daniel was his best friend.

But… no, that wasn't it.

This love went deeper. Daniel meant so much more than friendship. He needed Daniel's steadfast support, his quiet strength, his stubborn willfulness, his eager wonder, his passionate intensity, his caring blue eyes and sweet smile.

He needed Daniel.

The truth blazed across Jack's soul with the fierceness of his consuming pain. Too late he understood what he'd denied for so long. Too late to answer the real answer to Daniel's question of "Why do you care?"

Because he loved him. Because more than that, Daniel was the love of his life.

“Daniel!”

The name was barely recognizable in the incoherent sob. Discovery hopelessly intermingled with despair as Jack crouched in the fading firelight. Darkness surrounded him, filled him, until a gentle glow cast the room in pale luminescence. He blinked in surprise. Morning must be dawning at last on this endless night.

“It's not your fault, Jack.”

“The hell it isn't,” Jack gritted out, refusing to turn and face the hallucination. “Then again, why shouldn't I lose my mind? I've lost everything else.”

“I'm sorry. I thought it was for the best to leave… didn't really want to… but I…”

The light grew stronger, swirling like misty morning fingers through his living room, luring Jack into turning around after all. Unheeded, the blanket dropped to the floor as he stood, drawn irresistibly to the shining brightness.

“Daniel?” Taking a single step forward, Jack reached out shaking fingers to test reality as his other hand gripped the glasses tightly, feeling the edges pressing into his palm.

The light floated to meet him. Tendrils wove around his extended hand, enveloping it. Warmth radiated through him, and somehow he knew.

“God, it is you.”

“Sort of.” The rueful tone left no doubt.

“You're back? What… how?” Half formed questions spun through Jack's shocked mind, and momentarily he wondered if he had indeed slipped into madness.

But if this was madness… it was unexpectedly sweet.

And so, so pure.

To hell with sanity.

“It didn't feel like a higher existence. I wasn't more complete – just the opposite. I felt lessened without my friends… without you.”

Shaking his head in denial, Jack ruthlessly suppressed his heart's faint stirring of hope. Daniel might manifest himself in this form as Oma had, and Shifu, but it would be to say good-bye, maybe to share the wonders of his new world – Jack could readily imagine him bubbling over with excitement at the magic of his latest discoveries – but not to express regrets over learning more about that meaning of life stuff he loved more than almost anything. Certainly not to reveal a need for Jack.

“I'm only hearing what I want to hear. Get a grip, O'Neill. This can't be real.” He turned his back, but the glow brightened, flowing around him like a ghostly barrier.

“Give me a minute. I'm new at this.” The “head” of the nebulous creature sparkled and coalesced into familiar features as Daniel's face emerged from the midst of the light.

“No!” Jack lowered his eyes into the heels of his hands to block out the tantalizing vision. Daniel's glasses felt cold against his skin. They were real. “Leave me alone.”

“Dammit, Jack! I can't. Not with you in this pain. It's why I came back. You're why…”

“You're not here. You're not real.” Jack whispered the words as though commanding himself to believe them, grasping desperately at the final shreds of his sanity. Insanity would be a bitch after all… taunting him with Daniel only to snatch him back.

“Guess I need to take a page out of your book, Jack. I'll show you.”

Light everywhere. Pulsating. Warming. Healing the hurt. Puddling all of Jack's resistance as Daniel filled him, surrounded him, enveloped him in the Danielness of absolute love and total comfort.

The glasses dropped unnoticed from his loosened grasp. A cascade of colors, fragrances, sounds swirled through Jack's senses. Nothing concrete – he couldn't distinguish images or words. It was more like he was feeling the amazing complexity and yet ultimate simplicity of Daniel's feelings for him.

His mouth opened in shock. Daniel loved him too, and more than the friendship-admiration kind of way.

How? Why?

"Jack…" Daniel's voice sighed inside him, filled with love's discovery.

After long years of closing himself off, Jack felt open as never before. All the walls he'd taken such painstaking care at building were now transparent. No barriers – physical or emotional – remained between him and Daniel. His own feelings flowed from his bleeding, broken heart, gaining in strength as they contacted Daniel's until there was no way to dam the unspoken feelings that this soul, this man, Daniel, completed him like no one else.

The feelings reflected back to him mended the breach made by loss of hope, soothing the raw edges of Jack's grief. Despair could not stand in the face of such wonder. Two hearts, two souls, two life essences blended in a communion of complete understanding, melding them into one heart-renewing burst of joy.

After an infinite instant, it ended. As the light withdrew, leaving Jack alone once more in the dark, he bit his lip to keep from crying out at the disconnection. Having Daniel back with him was so precious, how could he bear losing him a second time? Especially now he knew Daniel shared his feelings.

“Daniel. Don't leave me.” Jack had no defenses left to bar his begging and didn't care. This was the one thing worth his pride. It was what he'd really wanted to say back there at the base and couldn't.

It was the one thing Daniel had waited to hear…and hadn't.

Dancing, the light intensified. Jack could see something taking shape in its center. As he watched, it faded, and he heard Daniel's voice.

“No, no, I have to try this. I don't care what it costs me.”

“Dammit, Daniel, what do you mean? What's going to happen to you? What's going to happen to us?”

“Nothing if I don't do this, Jack.”

He watched the light brighten before it convulsed, and Daniel cried out. Jack saw the shape waver and take Daniel's form, but this was no easy posture. Daniel shimmered in and out of his sight, his face contorted with the effort of becoming. His light dimming as mortal agony swamped him.

Reaching out, Jack grasped Daniel's fingers in a moment of solidity.

Through his pain, Daniel felt Jack grounding him, calling him back into mortal reality.

Tingles ran up Jack's arm, sparking nerve endings as they went. He could faintly hear voices crying out for Daniel to stop, warning of danger, warning of dissolution of soul. Warning of nothingness.

Daniel ignored them as he focused on Jack.

His blue eyes shimmered with unearthly brilliance, unearthly pain as he turned his back on the realm of angels. Daniel felt the force of his need to be with Jack holding him there earthbound. Gradually the shimmering stopped, and the light faded as Daniel crumpled into Jack's welcoming embrace.

Jack clutched him tightly, and on a ragged sigh, Daniel heard his name whispered.

“Hey,” he said, burrowing against the strong chest. He was back in the world of physical pain, of hurt and tragedy and loss, and yet none of it mattered because Jack was there, better than heaven itself. Everything he'd gained from ascending couldn't make up for the absence of Jack.

And Jack's presence made up for giving it all back.

Jack pressed a soft kiss on the crown of his head, and Daniel felt the warm splash on his face of a salt tear. He reveled in the sensation of being able to feel anything again. And yet this was a perfection he'd never wholly felt before – the strength of Jack's love for him.

“Are you a dream?”

Daniel lifted his head to meet Jack's eyes. “I didn't want to leave you, Jack.”

“I didn't want you to go.”

Daniel reached his hand up and let it rest tenderly on Jack's jaw, cupping his face. “I know that…now. Love you.”

Jack's overbright eyes shone with his emotion. Leaning forward, he softly kissed Daniel's lips.

Daniel tasted the realization and the realness and the salt of the tears all mixed into one.

The one gift his ascension had brought them was this moment of truth, this complete knowledge of each other's feelings. They had no more secrets from each other. Though their bodies weren't translucent, their hearts were.

In fact, Daniel was becoming aware of exactly how alive and substantial his body was now as he felt himself responding to Jack's closeness, Jack's physical reaction awakening to his.

As Jack gave him one last, light kiss before pulling away, Daniel realized the comfort of simply being able to once again look through his eyes and see Jack. They were human beings with physical bodies. They had just bonded spiritually closer than most humans ever had the gift of doing, yet he still wanted more. He wanted, needed the physical bond with Jack to complete the final link of their connection.

“Daniel, I…”

“I know.” As Jack's hands rubbed up and down his arms, still assuring himself Daniel was solid and not going to fade away in light, Daniel ran his hand through the messy silver hair and down to the nape of Jack's neck.

“Jack, I want…”

“I know. Me too.”

A mischievous smile curved Daniel's lips and lit his eyes an impossibly brighter blue. “I can tell.” He wriggled a little closer as Jack's hand dropped to his thigh.

An answering devilish gleam set the brown eyes alight above the newly happy grin. “This glowy essence melding stuff sure cuts through all the first date chit chat.”

Daniel's eyes crinkled happily at the corners. “You can bypass all that touchy-feely talking and move right to what you like best – action.”

“Mm. Though there's something to be said for touching… and feeling… not to mention putting our tongues to good use.” Fitting his mouth once more over Daniel's, Jack proceeded to demonstrate.

Daniel eagerly welcomed Jack's tongue, relishing the reawakened sensations sparking through him. A heart beating fast. Blood racing, rushing, filling. Swelling life inside him. He was panting hard when they parted.

“Bedroom,” he breathed, wanting Jack right there, right then, but knowing the soft bed would be kinder on the older man's knees than the hard floor.

“Can you make it?”

The energy pinging through his freshly rematerialized body made Daniel feel like he could soar, but he knew he was bound to be a bit unsteady until he got his land legs back. He waggled his eyebrows in a fair imitation of Jack. “With your help.”

“Count on it.” As Jack helped Daniel to his feet, his hand brushed against the glasses lying forgotten where he'd dropped them. He picked them up, folding them as he turned them over in his hand.

“I always do.”

“That's a long time.”

“If we're lucky.”

Jack looked up to the eyes shining understandingly into his. “I thought these were all I had left of you… thought I'd never be able to give them back.” Slowly he held out the slight construction of wire and glass.

Daniel took them, his long fingers brushing Jack's as he contemplated this evidence of the physical limitations he had willingly chosen to re-impose on himself. He looked back into Jack's intent gaze, knowing it was worth that and far more. He set the lenses down on the coffee table. “You have all of me, Jack. You always did even if we were both too dense to realize it.”

He was swept fiercely back into Jack's arms. “God, Daniel…” was all he heard murmured as those demanding lips clamped hungrily over his once more.

Somehow they stumbled to the bedroom, though Daniel wasn't quite sure of the exact method of locomotion with his senses swimming from Jack's kisses.

Jack's fingers fumbled with the buttons of Daniel's shirt. Impatiently he began to tug at the stubborn garment.

“Damn!” With a ferocious growl, Jack nipped along Daniel's jawline with hot, licking kisses. Suckling an earlobe he breathed, “You couldn't materialize naked? Don't tell me Mother Nature invented plaid?” As the final button came undone, Jack slipped the offensive shirt off Daniel's shoulders.

Snorting with laughter Daniel arched his neck to give Jack better access while doing some experimental tugging of his own. “You'd have preferred polka dots, Colonel?” Triumphantly he pulled Jack's tee-shirt over his head.

With a deft maneuver, Jack knocked Daniel's legs out from under him so he tumbled onto the bed in precisely the most convenient position for Jack to pounce on top of him. “Oh, I'd prefer some poking all right, Dr. Jackson.”

Daniel felt Jack's arousal hard and demanding between his thighs. With a groan he arched his back, rubbing his own arousal along Jack's. “Sometimes you talk too damned much.” Slipping his fingers inside Jack's waistband, he yanked the black sweatpants down, his hands caressing the lean hips and muscled thighs. He got as far as the knees before Jack kicked the pants the rest of the way off.

Daniel ran his tongue over suddenly dry lips. It wasn't as if he'd never seen Jack naked before. But he'd never seen Jack like this – fully aroused and fully intent on one equally aroused archaeologist. Shivering, Daniel breathed in and let it out slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. His colonel was an… impressive sight.

And given that he'd recently left intellectual heaven, that was saying quite a bit.

Then again, real paradise lay inside this man's heart.

Jack's eyes burned under the heated scrutiny, his body seeming to grow harder. Smoothing a hand across the satiny chest beneath his, he paused at a nipple, stroking it experimentally with his thumb before lowering his head to flick out his tongue and lap the hardening nub.

Shuddering with pleasure, Daniel ran his hands up the backs of Jack's thighs and over the curve of his ass. The supple skin was warm and alive to his touch. Everything was alive and human and real, and he felt ignited with a flame hotter than the brightest incandescence he'd experienced as a light being.

Jack's hand roamed lower as he quirked an eyebrow. “Looking a tad uncomfortable there, Dannyboy.” Before Daniel could find his voice to agree, Jack's fingers had unbuttoned his fly, freed him from the confining denim, and slid the material down and off his body.

Skin met skin, setting off a frenzied momentum. They were all over each other, rolling and toppling and wrestling, frantic to touch, to learn, to know. Time was all too real, and neither one wanted to waste any.

They couldn't have slowed down if they'd tried, and they didn't want to. Each surged against the other, driving towards the brink of orgasm and beyond. Jack shouted Daniel's name and heard his own name sobbed in response, as for a moment both men existed in the light. Pure light.

Pure heaven.

Jack came to his senses to realize he was draped across Daniel and must be crushing him. Beginning to pull away, he felt Daniel's arms come around him, holding him in place.

“No, don't go.”

Tightening his own hold on Daniel, Jack rolled him so they were lying side by side entwined in each other's arms. “I'm not going anywhere. Are you?”

“Never again.” Daniel had found his true haven – sticky, sweaty, smelly, but more comfortable and more in touch with everything he'd ever sought.

“At least not without me,” Jack qualified, hooking a leg possessively over Daniel's and pulling him even closer.

Daniel leaned his forehead against Jack's. Nose to nose, he gazed into loving brown eyes and let his soul be read. “Okay, then. You and me.”

Jack smiled. “Deal. I like the sound of that. Us. Never alone again.”

“Together.” Daniel snuggled contentedly into Jack's embrace. “In this existence or any other.”