Skin Deep

by

 Ruffle

Click for details and warnings

DISCLAIMER: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

SKIN DEEP

"I don't want to see anyone. Not even Jack." Especially not Jack. The last person Daniel wanted to see was the man who'd recently progressed from being his closest friend to capturing his heart. Their new relationship notwithstanding, he simply couldn't deal with seeing Jack right now. Or more precisely, with Jack seeing him. Pushing that thought back so it wouldn't escape in words, he turned his best pleading gaze on his doctor."Janet, please."

"Daniel, your teammates have been stalking the infirmary all through your surgery and ever since then waiting for you to wake up. I promised them they could see you. Just for a few minutes…"

"No." The denial was swift and panicked. Seeing the concern notch up in the brown eyes, he tamped down on his emotions and tried for a reasonable tone. He had to find a way to prevent her from letting Jack in here, but expressing his fears would get him nothing but awkward questions. Daniel wasn't prepared to discuss details so personal he could barely admit them to himself. He needed to give her a simple, sensible request she'd accept. "I- I'm too tired to talk or even listen. And I need some time to think before this sedative you're pumping into me knocks me out again." He waved an arm attached to an IV line. "They'll understand."

Fraiser smiled at him ruefully. "Okay, I'll run interference. But I may have to call the marines for reinforcements to keep Colonel O'Neill from storming my line of defense and busting in here anyway."

Returning her smile, he relaxed back against his pillows. "Thanks." He watched her make a notation on his chart. "Janet."

"Hm?" She continued writing.

"Be straight with me."

She looked up at that. "I always try to be."

"I appreciate that." He indicated the bandages swathing the right side of his face and body halfway down his leg. "How much of a chance do I really have of this healing completely? I mean," he clarified awkwardly, "with no… visible traces." He bit his lip nervously. She'd already explained he'd regain normal functionality, but had glossed over his earlier queries about appearance. He didn't want to sound vain, but he needed to know what it… what he was going to look like.

She hesitated, seeming to choose her words carefully. "As I said, Daniel, the damage to your skin was extensive, not only abrading the surface but affecting it deep into the inner layers of tissue. Plastic surgery is not my specialty, but I assure you Dr. Harcourt is an expert. Once he arrives and examines you, we'll have a better idea of your options."

"My options." The term made him think of the stock market. It looked like shares in Dr. Jackson futures had bottomed out. "Okay, but what do you think? Off the record."

"My opinion isn't valid in this case."

"It is to me. You're my doctor… and my friend."

"And as both, I'm counseling you to wait and hear what the specialist has to say." Tucking her pen neatly into her pocket, she replaced the chart. "I can tell you they've made remarkable advances in corrective treatments, not to mention the promising research with some of the compounds we've retrieved from offworld. Now get that rest you were talking about." With a determined smile, she left his side.

Daniel knew Janet had the highest professional ethics. If she wasn't willing to commit to telling him he could be fully healed, then chances were he wouldn't be. Wearily he closed his eyes to shut out all reminders of his mangled body.

***

"What do you mean I can't see him? You told me I could!" With a supreme effort of will, Jack restrained himself from pushing past the petite doctor to get to the object of his anxiety.

Fraiser resolutely stood her ground. "I know I did and I'm sorry, but Daniel's very tired, Colonel. He doesn't want visitors."

Jack waved that objection aside. "He didn't mean me. I'm not a visitor." I'm family. The unspoken qualification hung in the air.

"He doesn't want to see anyone." She stressed the last word, making it clear it applied to him equally along with everyone else. "I have to consider my patient. What he needs is rest."

"You don't have to tell me what he needs. I know what Daniel needs."

"That may be, but are you honestly thinking about what he needs now, or what you need?"

The frank question stopped Jack in his tracks. Of course he needed to see Daniel. The last time he'd seen the archaeologist he was battered and bleeding and looking like hell. Jack needed to replace that ugly memory with a picture of him all clean and mended and snug in bed. He needed to see with his own eyes that Daniel was all right. It hadn't occurred to him that might not be what they both needed. His hands opening and closing ineffectually, he glared at the infirmary door as if it was a subordinate he could order to open, revealing what lay on the other side.

"Why don't you go join Sam and Teal'c and get something to eat," Janet said soothingly. "I'm sure you could all use some rest yourselves. We'll see how Daniel feels tomorrow."

Tomorrow? How could he wait until tomorrow to see Daniel, touch him, hold him? Jack wanted to know tonight, this minute, how Daniel felt… and he meant over and above his physical condition. Much as he'd prefer a first-hand view, he'd accept the doc's evaluation of that. What he really needed was a look into Daniel's heart… but not at the expense of what Daniel needed. He'd go along with what the doc said was best for his recovery.

Jack nodded abruptly. "Fine. I'll be back first thing in the morning." He looked directly into unwavering brown eyes. "Doc…" he trailed off, uncomfortable at voicing his feelings.

"We'll take good care of him," she answered his unspoken request softly.

"Thanks." He turned on his heel and strode away down the corridor.

***

Daniel was thankful to hear the shouts die away and the clomp of boots recede. He couldn't face Jack now. He wasn't sure he could ever face him again.

Moving restlessly in his effort to discover a comfortable position, Daniel kicked the covers off. Mistake. The bandages were in plain view again. A white shield protected the outside of his body, all the way from his right leg up his hip, side, arm, and face. It concealed but couldn't prevent him from picturing the ugliness hiding beneath the innocent covering.

Naturally Daniel was grateful to Janet for patching him up once more. Falling down a mountain and scraping himself raw on its rocky slope could have resulted in far worse than the deep gouging and shredding of his skin. At least he hadn't broken any bones or pulverized anything internally. The bleeding was bad but his teammates had managed to get him back through the Stargate in time to prevent serious blood loss. As so many times before, Janet had saved his skin - figuratively if not literally, unhappily for him.

In between all the talk of scarring and skin grafts, Daniel had begun to realize what was at stake. He'd seen patients who'd undergone those sorts of treatments, and he knew correction was sometimes only partial. For himself, he wouldn't have cared about such externals, but he didn't have only himself to consider anymore. Now there was Jack.

Jack, who loved him. Jack, with whom he now shared his life. Jack, who lost no opportunity to tell him how beautiful he was.

Oh, Daniel knew Jack didn't love him for his looks... at least not entirely. Their relationship went so much deeper than the mere physical.

But he couldn't deny the physical was a large part of it. And though Jack might continue to love him even if he was… damaged… would he continue to want him?

Daniel was so afraid the answer was no. The sick feeling in his stomach wasn't all from the medication. He couldn't bear to see the rejection in his lover's eyes, the disgust at the sight of deformity marring the once perfect face and body.

He'd never cared very much about his looks before, but he was a lot more conscious of them now that Jack took such open delight in them. His partner loved to caress Daniel's smooth skin and kiss every inch of his firm young body. How could Jack stand to even look at him, let alone touch him again, if the skin was pitted and scarred, twisted and stretched out of recognition? Jack was bound to turn away from him in horror.

A sudden thought made Daniel shudder. There was something even worse than rejection. Jack was so loyal he might not leave him even if repulsed by the sight of him. What if Jack stuck by him because he… oh God, what if he felt sorry for him? Daniel cringed at the thought of seeing pity filling those tender brown eyes. He couldn't stand it, he couldn't, he'd rather die.

Janet's ministrations had negated that option. He had to find another way out. He couldn't avoid Jack forever.

He'd have to take action himself. He'd have to find some excuse to leave Jack so Jack wouldn't feel obligated to stand by him. Maybe he could manufacture a fight… No, Jack wasn't stupid. He'd see right through anything like that.

Daniel rubbed drooping fingers across his forehead. He was too tired to think straight right now. The sedative must be getting to him. He'd have to think of something tomorrow.

***

Two weeks later he still hadn't thought of anything.

He'd been home for nearly a week. Janet had let him out of the infirmary since at this stage he really just needed rest and time before his body was ready for the plastic surgeon to begin his work.

Jack was taking his customary good care of Daniel just like all the other times he'd been injured. Seeing him in bandages was nothing new so Jack's eyes hadn't shown anything other than their usual love and concern so far. But Daniel dreaded the day when the bandages would come off. What would he see in those eyes then?

He hadn't been able to make himself leave Jack yet. What would he do without him? Each day he thought, Not today. He could stay one more day. He could put it off a little longer.

Still, he couldn't act as if everything was fine between them either. He knew it was driving Jack nuts, but he couldn't help it. These might be their last days together, yet he was letting the shadow of the future ruin what was left of the present. He just couldn't stand to look into Jack's eyes and see the reflection that haunted his nightmares. So he avoided meeting Jack's eyes altogether.

"Hey, Daniel."

He was roused from his reverie as Jack entered the room. "Feel up for a game?" Jack clapped his arm companionably as he gestured to the chessboard Daniel had been staring at unseeingly.

Flinching away from the touch, he heard a breath sucked in.

"Dammit, Daniel! I know I'm to blame for your getting hurt, but how long is this going to go on? Are you ever going to forgive me?"

Stunned by the outburst, Daniel raised his head to be skewered by the wounded look deep in the dark eyes. "Wh-what?"

"Look, I screwed up and I'm sorry. But can't we put it behind us? What do I have to do to make it up to you?"

"Jack, what are you talking about?" Daniel frowned in puzzlement. Jack wasn't making any sense.

"Your slide down that mountain was my fault. I should have scouted the area more carefully and determined the terrain was unsafe."

Daniel's brow cleared. "I'm not blaming you for my fall."

"You're not?"

"Of course not. It was an accident."

"My command, my responsibility…"

"Stop. We've been through this before. Don't do this to yourself." Without thinking Daniel clasped Jack's arm and gave it a little shake.

Jack drew a tremulous breath. "If anything had happened to you, anything worse I mean… If I'd lost you…"

"It didn't. I'm here, Jack. I'm okay."

Before he realized what was happening, Jack enfolded him in a hug. Strength and warmth wove a protective circle around him where fear couldn't penetrate. Daniel froze, then yielded, dropping his head to the hollow of Jack's shoulder. God, it was good to feel those arms around him. It'd been far too long.

One arm shifted, and Daniel felt a hand riffling through his hair. Lips lightly brushed the top of his head. Insistent fingers urged his chin up, and Jack's mouth sought his.

For a moment Daniel gave in to the tentative embrace, returning it instinctively. As it deepened hungrily, he was jarred to awareness. What was he doing? He pulled back, breaking the contact. "Jack, don't, I…" he trailed off miserably.

Jack stood, breathing heavily, watching him in mingled bewilderment and frustration. He reached out a hand in supplication.

Daniel took another step back.

Jack dropped the hand, his lips thinning in defeat. Without a word, he turned and left the room.

Daniel blinked at the empty space previously occupied by six foot two of solid colonel. God, he'd been trying to keep the hurt away, but he'd only made things worse. Crossing his arms across his middle, he followed Jack to the bedroom.

Stopping on the threshold, he bleakly surveyed the unoccupied room. Splashing water sounded from the bathroom.

Daniel walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't think his legs would support him through the confrontation he knew was building. Glancing once at the window, he discarded the half-formed idea of escaping. Where would he go? He'd only be delaying this. No way did he want to go through it at the base.

The door opened, cutting off his meandering thoughts. Jack emerged, running a hand through his hair. Daniel could see damp strands around the edges, where Jack had probably been splashing cold water on his face to get himself under control. Daniel's fingers itched to comb through the soft gray locks, to fondle and play with the silken threads. He shoved his hands further under his arms. It was too damn easy to get distracted by this man.

"Daniel, ya gotta give me some clue here." Jack's voice was steady. Anyone else might have believed the man was perfectly calm, but Daniel was familiar enough with every inflection and tone to hear the leashed emotion churning under the surface. Jack was trying very hard not to lose it with him. "I don't understand what's going on."

"Look, Jack, I'm just having a rough time dealing with all this." Daniel nodded at his injuries.

"But you've been hurt worse than this before, and the doc says you're making good progress." Jack's voice was genuinely confused. "Unless you're having pain you haven't admitted to Janet…"

"No, it's nothing like that." Daniel quickly cut off that arena of speculation. It wouldn't do for Jack to get all solicitous again. His gaze settled in the vicinity of Jack's neckline. A few hairs, gray mixed in with golden brown, peeked over the rim of the chocolate sweater that matched his eyes. A delectable collarbone ripe for nibbling… okay, this wasn't any better than observing Jack's eyes or hair. His regard slid over to the wall. If he didn't look at his partner, he wouldn't be led astray by inappropriate thoughts… inappropriate for this discussion anyway.

"Then what? Daniel, talk to me," Jack prompted when Daniel didn't volunteer anything further. "I can't believe I said that. You don't usually require any encouraging there."

Daniel gave the attempt at humor a cursory grin. "You should be enjoying the peace and quiet."

"I'm not." Dropping any pretext at joking, Jack continued, strain infusing his voice. "You say you don't blame me, but you won't let me near you. Do you have any idea the torture it is for me lying next to you in that bed every night, not able to touch you, not able to hold you?"

"It's just as bad for me," Daniel mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. How he missed Jack's touch, his lips kissing him, his arms holding him. How would he be able to stand giving up all that now that he'd experienced it? Even before they were together, Jack's touch meant so much to him – the friendly pats on the back, the teasing hand ruffling his hair, or the nudge of his arm over a shared joke. Touching had never played much of a role in Daniel's life before. He hadn't known quite how to react at first, suppressing an initial tendency to shy away from it, but it was so much a part of Jack he'd come to accept it and even expect it. He felt bereft at the thought he'd be giving up all that - the little friendly touches as well as the more intimate contacts.

"Is it?"

"Of course it is." The question surprised him into looking up, and he caught his breath as he met Jack's eyes at last. His own eyes widened as he realized he wasn't the only one who'd be losing those touches. Jack would be losing them as well… losing something that was an intrinsic part of his nature. Oh God, how could he be so selfish? He'd been dwelling so much on what he'd be losing that he hadn't thought about what Jack would be losing, too.

Not only that, but the look he saw in Jack's eyes was more awful than the looks of pity or disgust he'd imagined. What he saw there now was hurt… and he was the one who'd put it there. He'd hurt Jack. What had he been thinking? That was worse than any hurt he could possibly experience himself. He had to fix it right now. He had to take away that pain. He had to explain, no matter how much he ended up hurting himself. That was infinitely preferable at any time to causing Jack to suffer.

The words tumbled out. He had to erase that look from Jack's eyes as quickly as possible."Jack, I- I'm sorry. I never meant to push you away. I just- I don't know how much you listened to what Janet or Dr. Harcourt said, but when these bandages come off it's… it's not going to be a very p-pleasant sight. I- I'm probably never going to look the same again. And I- I understand if it's a turn-off and I won't hold it against you, in fact it's probably better if I don't hang around until then so you won't ever have to see what it looks like, what I'll look like after, and, and…"

"Daniel. Daniel." The soft words broke through the outpouring as Daniel became aware of Jack kneeling before him. Jack's hands rubbed soothingly up and down his arms. Once Daniel's attention was caught, he asked, "What the hell ever gave you the idea any of that mattered to me in the least?"

"B-but, Jack, I don't think you really understand how bad it's going to look…"

"Daniel, I've been in battles. Unfortunately so have you, so you know the kinds of sights I've had way too much experience with. I think I'm prepared for whatever's in store here, but what I don't understand is why you think I care about that. Maybe I don't say it often enough, but I love you. I thought you knew that."

"I do, but…" Daniel ducked his head. "But you can love somebody and not… not want to be with them." He hastened to make excuses, not wanting Jack to feel guilty or sorry for something beyond his control. "You can't help it, it's a physical reaction, and if I'm not… attractive any more it's perfectly understandable…"

"Oh for cryin' out loud. Of all the harebrained… Damn, I'm gonna have to lay it out for you, aren't I? You know I'm not good with words, but I love you and I want you and I will always want you… you, Daniel, not the package, though I have to admit it's a pretty spectacular package." Jack favored him with a lusty grin. "I am not about to stop wanting you just because of a little wear and tear in the wrapping – God knows I've had enough of that myself. If I haven't made that clear by now, then I'm sorry and I guess it's about time I did." He leaned in, but Daniel evaded the maneuver.

"Jack, please don't. You don't have to just because you feel sorry for me. I don't want that. I just didn't want you to think you did anything wrong."

"Sorry for you?" Jack's mouth fell open. "Haven't you been listening to a word I said? I spill my guts and you think I'm angling for a good conduct medal or something? I thought you were the brains of this outfit."

"I know you, Jack. I know you want to do the right thing, especially if you feel responsible, but I can't let you make that sacrifice."

"Sacrifice? Now I've heard everything. Dammit, Daniel, I'm done talking. It's not getting us anywhere. I'm going to show you how I feel about you, and for once you are going to stop talking and listen." Dragging Daniel into his arms, Jack kissed him intensely.

Daniel tried to pull free, but this time Jack wouldn't permit it. Holding him tightly, he plunged his tongue insistently into Daniel's mouth, demanding he return the fervor.

With a shiver of longing, Daniel gave in. He never could resist Jack. He savored the taste of him on his tongue, the feel of his arms holding him close. In growing assurance his own arms encircled Jack as he reveled in the touch he'd gone so long without.

The need for air broke them apart at last. Jack swiftly followed up with a series of light kisses from one corner of Daniel's mouth to the other, as if reacquainting himself with the taste and feel of those precious lips. Placing his forehead against Daniel's, he trailed a finger down the bandaged cheek. "God, Danny, I've missed you."

"Me too, Jack," was the sighed response as Daniel conducted his own tour of Jack's mouth.

Easing Daniel back onto the bed, Jack brushed light kisses over his eyes, nose, every portion of his face not covered in gauze.

Luxuriating in the gentle attentions, Daniel gave himself over to enjoying the contrast between the feathery kisses and the weight of Jack's body pressing against his. "Mm," he breathed as Jack licked along his outer ear. The tongue dove behind his lobe, eliciting another pleasurable "Mmmm," which quickly turned into a moan as the moist tongue flicked inside his ear, probing its depths. "Jack," he gasped.

"Mmmm." A muffled echo was his response as the tongue withdrew and proceeded to explore his neck. He groaned as Jack nuzzled into the hollow of his throat, hair brushing enticingly against Daniel's chin – that tempting silver hair he'd wanted so badly to touch earlier. Of their own accord, his fingers twined through that hair, curling and tousling in sync with the voracious nibbling.

When Jack lifted his head, Daniel tried to lower him back in protest.

With a quick kiss, Jack gently pushed his hands away. "Time to move on," he murmured huskily, sliding Daniel's sweatshirt upwards.

"No." Daniel tried to stop him, curling protectively over his side to keep the evidence of his despised wounds hidden.

"It's okay," Jack hushed him, kissing the frantic fingers to stillness. "It's a part of you, Daniel, and I love all of you." He took hold of the shirt again and this time Daniel let him tug it off over his head. Running his hands lovingly down Daniel's chest, Jack slipped the sweatpants and boxers caressingly past his hips and down the length of his legs, easing them over his ankles as his thumbs rubbed slow circles into the arches of his feet. Daniel was trembling by the time he was fully undressed. Quickly doffing his own clothes, Jack began to place careful, light kisses all along the edges of the bandages lining the wounded body.

Daniel lay quiescent, at first soothed by the slight, airy touches, and then becoming slowly, achingly aroused. "Jack," he moaned, his hands roaming across the other man's back, his hips canting upwards seeking contact with that tantalizing groin.

"Hmm?" Jack mumbled around a mouthful of nipple he was teasing to firmness. Daniel arched at the current of desire jolting through him.

"Jack!"

"You've got my attention, Daniel." Eyes smoky with passion locked with his, plainly displaying the feelings Jack had vowed to show him.

Thirstily Daniel drank in the assurance as his fears dissolved. He had wasted so much time lately pushing Jack away, now he wanted to pull him in… literally. He confided his desire to his lover.

"I'm with you."

Sealing the agreement, Jack's kiss intensified Daniel's already strong need for him. He could scarcely wait for Jack's careful attentions to make sure he was properly prepared and lubricated. When Jack entered him at a smooth pace, the slowness was sweetly agonizing. Impatiently Daniel wrapped his legs around his lover and pulled him all the way in. Moaning at the exquisite sensation of Jack moving inside him, he writhed with each thrust, squeezing that muscular body between his thighs, clamping his muscles around that hot, hard cock. Oh God, Jack felt so good, so right, so... Oh God, Jack! Dimly he heard Jack calling his name as, joined, they came together.

And together they were strong and beautiful and invincible, and it was going to be okay, it was going to be so much better than okay.

Panting, they lay waiting for the overwhelming effects to subside. Daniel languorously basked in sensing Jack, now lax, still inside his body. He felt so connected, and so surprised that he could ever have feared Jack's feelings for him.

As Jack started to withdraw, Daniel wrapped his legs tightly around him, holding him in place. "Wait, Jack, stay a little, please." He didn't want to break that link just yet.

"I'm not going anywhere, Daniel." Jack planted soft kisses in his hair until Daniel relaxed, reassured enough to separate.

He snuggled his head onto Jack's chest, safe in the enclosure of the strong arms."I love you, Jack."

"I know you do, Daniel. The question is, do you know I love you?"

Daniel smiled, secure now in the answer. "You'd better, Colonel, because like it or not, you're stuck with me."

"Oh, I like, Daniel. I definitely like."

***

One month later:

Exiting the infirmary, Daniel tapped his companion on the shoulder. "Hang on another minute, would you, Jack? I wanna grab a book out of my office while we're here."

"Get a move on, Daniel. You're gonna be late for your next examination."

"Weren't you listening to Dr. Harcourt? That medicine derived from the plants on P2S-401 did the trick. The skin's completely healed. I won't be needing another checkup."

"Maybe not from the doc. But I'm talking about the very thorough, very personal examination I'm going to give your entire body as soon as we get home."

Daniel executed a neat, military about-face. "Uh, you know that book can wait. I don't think I'm going to be doing any reading at home anyway." He headed for the elevator, hauling a grinning Jack O'Neill right behind him.

THE END